


Smooth Away the Cracks

by EverybodyLovesEggsy



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: But it is important for Eggsy, Drabble, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hartwin, It's not the main focus of the story, Roxy and Merlin are good bros, but like vaguely, slight PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-30
Updated: 2020-01-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:07:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22473064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EverybodyLovesEggsy/pseuds/EverybodyLovesEggsy
Summary: Prompt: “If you don’t hug me right now I think I might fall apart.”
Relationships: Harry Hart | Galahad/Gary "Eggsy" Unwin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 83





	Smooth Away the Cracks

When Eggsy first became a part of Kingsman, he knew there would be missions that would be difficult. He didn’t mean difficult in the sense that his limits would be tested – they undoubtedly would be, but Eggsy figured he was pretty good at surviving those limits. The type of difficult missions that Eggsy knew he would have trouble with were the ones that made his patience wear thin or his anger to bubble up quickly. Missions like finding out a criminal was in the business of selling kids.

Honestly, any mission that had some sort of involvement with kids meant Eggsy struggled to actually do as his handler says rather than just acting impulsively. When he finished those missions, Eggsy would go home and immediately cuddle Daisy for comfort – on those days his mum had stopped asking questions (because he always told her he was fine even though he obviously wasn’t) and let him do as he pleased as long as he didn’t wake Daisy if she was asleep.

Outside of missions having to do with kids, there were other missions that left him emotionally exhausted. For each one, Eggsy had been able to find an outlet. The missions that left him angry (like the time the target he was chasing got away) meant that he would spar with whoever was available as soon as he was back at HQ – usually Harry, Roxy, or Percival and on the rare occasion that none of them were available, then Merlin somehow found the time. The missions that left him sad (like the time Eggsy’s target was able to kill a bystander before Eggsy got there) meant that he would curl up in bed under the blankets – if he was lucky, Harry would come home and just hold him or Roxy would come over and pull his head into her lap while carding her fingers through his hair.

But then for the first time since becoming an agent, Eggsy came home from a mission not sure what do with the confusing turmoil he felt inside of himself. When he met Merlin for the debrief, he could tell that Merlin was trying to figure out which of Eggsy’s coping mechanisms was needed. When the man couldn’t figure it out and just asked what Eggsy needed, Eggsy shrugged, not knowing what he needed any more than Merlin knew. This caused Merlin to look at him in concern but told him that he was free to go. So Eggsy left, following where his feet took him. He was vaguely aware of taking the train to the shop and then a cab to his home. He was vaguely aware of letting himself inside and pouring himself a drink. He was only vaguely aware that he downed it and repeated the process.

It wasn’t until he heard the front door open did Eggsy realize that he had repeated the process enough times for the bottle to be three-quarters gone. He poured himself another drink, not really caring, but didn’t down it this time. He stared at the alcohol in the glass, not really seeing it. He could only see the faces of the mother and son that he had saved today. When Eggsy entered the room they were in, the two had the same looks on the faces that Eggsy remembered seeing on his mum for years. It was a look of defeat and powerlessness. It was the despair of people who were stuck with a father and husband who was abusive. The despair of people stuck with someone like Dean.

“Eggsy?”

Eggsy didn’t respond, only then realizing that sometime since he heard the door, Harry had come in and sat down in the chair next to him. He shifted his eyes from the glass in his hands to the blood on his knuckles. The amount of times Eggsy had wished that he had been able to smash Dean’s face in the way he did to the man today was uncountable.

“He reminded me of Dean”, Eggsy didn’t even realize he was the one who said that until the words registered in his brain, but once he started, Eggsy didn’t know how to stop, “I walked in when he started in on the kid. The kid’s mum was on the floor and he obviously had moved to put himself in front of her. Exactly the way I had when Dean started goin’ after my mum.”

Eggsy squeezed his eyes shut when he felt the remembered pain of protecting his mum and Daisy from Dean flashed through his head again. Like they had when Eggsy had seen what the fucker had been doing. Eggsy’s vision had gone red and had immediately attacked the fucker. He wasn’t sure how long he had been smashing his face in when Merlin’s voice finally filtered in his head, telling him to stop.

“I killed him, Harry”, Eggsy heard himself whisper, “I smashed his face in the way I had wanted to do to Dean for years, but I couldn’t stop myself. And then the boy and his mum looked so terrified. Terrified of me.”

His eyes burned with tears and Harry gently placed a hand on his wrist. The touch soothed such a small part of the cracks he felt and yearned for more.

“If you don’t hug me right now, I think I might fall apart.”

Immediately Eggsy felt himself wrapped in Harry’s strong arms, face pressed against the man’s chest, and that was all it took for the sobs to tear themselves out of Eggsy, emotions finally flowing freely. He cried for the boy and his mum, having to live through what they did. He cried for his own mum and Daisy having to do the same. But most of all, he cried for himself. For the childhood he had had ripped away from him. For the fact that he had felt like Dean when he saw the look on the boy’s face.

Eggsy had no clue how long they stayed there or how long he cried. But that was okay. Because if he couldn’t keep himself together, he knew Harry would. He knew Harry would remind him of all the reasons he _wasn’t_ Dean. He would smooth away the cracks until Eggsy felt like he wasn’t breaking apart. So Eggsy just let the emotions out, now that it didn’t feel like he would break as soon as he did. Now that he was in Harry’s arms.


End file.
